Grieving through the Stinging: Navigating the Journey through Grief

The last few weeks have been so heavy. Sitting in the loss of child with cancer, a friend committing suicide, and assassinations of people in government, schools, and communities has left me heavy-hearted. No words I write today will take away the pain of these events. However, with the words I do have, I pray we together can walk our journey of grief that leads to hope and healing.

The Sting

When I was five or six, my family would pack for a weekend of fishing on Lake Bistineau. It was one of my favorite things to do! I loved packing the camper and being on the lake. One evening after a long day of fishing, I got my pillow and laid on the couch. When I rested my head on my pillow, I felt this awful pain. I jumped up, and my dad rushed over to investigate. What he found was a wasp in my pillowcase!

As you can imagine for many years after, I patted my pillowcase to make sure nothing was in it before I laid down. That event left a sting. It changed my routine a little and made me more aware of what hurts.

Sound familiar?

Death changes our routine and makes us aware of what hurts; it stings. And unlike my few hours of pain from a wasp sting, death’s sting can last for countless days, months, and more. Its impact can appear unbearable at times. Yet, death’s sting does not have to be the end of our journey.

The Victory

1 Corinthians 15:54-57 states:

54 When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”[h]

55 “Where, O death, is your victory?
             Where, O death, is your sting?”[i]

56 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

This verse may appear in opposition to the previous paragraphs. However, they actually support them.

The Message version of these verses reads:

At the same moment and in the same way, we’ll all be changed. In the resurrection scheme of things, this has to happen: everything perishable taken off the shelves and replaced by the imperishable, this mortal replaced by the immortal. Then the saying will come true:

Death swallowed by triumphant Life!
Who got the last word, oh, Death?
Oh, Death, who’s afraid of you now?

It was sin that made death so frightening and law-code guilt that gave sin its leverage, its destructive power. But now in a single victorious stroke of Life, all three—sin, guilt, death—are gone, the gift of our Master, Jesus Christ. Thank God!

As the passage shows, death’s sting lessens when we know Jesus Christ as our Savior. There is a peace and hope that comes with knowing that those I have lost, even within these last weeks, I will see again. Therefore, I do not have to remain in the sting of death, but, rather, can move forward with a peace that surpasses all understanding. And so can you.

Grieving through the Stinging

While this is not an exhaustive list of overcoming death’s sting, maybe it will give us a direction so that we may endure the journey of grief knowing there is victory over death.

1)    One of the first steps for the grief process is acknowledgement. Many times people are faced with the heartbreaking news of loss, that they deny what has (or is) happening. This is a natural part of the grieving process; however, if we are to heal from the earthly sting of death, we must acknowledge the reality of our loss. We cannot accept what we reject.

Although accepting our loss and acknowledging the death before us is so painful, the Psalmist reminds us, “Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.” The pain will not be the only part of our story. We also have an opportunity to find peace and hope again, but it will take time.

2)    Another element to work through the sting of our losses is to not go through it alone. Often when people are in pain, they want to withdraw and isolate. While time alone is okay to process our grief, when we do it for prolonged periods of time, we may find ourselves depressed and without community.

Paul tells us in Galatians 6:2 “Carry each other’s burdens.” Additionally, he states in 1 Thessalonians 5:11 to “encourage one another and build up each other.” We cannot do this in isolation. While many of us do not want people to see us hurt, or we feel as though we are burden to others with our pain, it is through others we can often find strength to endure our hardest moments.

3)    Jesus wept (John 11:35). We are not alone in our grief. Jesus not only understood what it meant to lose people to death, but he also knew what it was like to experience death and victory over it. Our victory over death will not physically look like his (because we are not Jesus). However, victory may look like having joy where there was once sorrow, helping others overcome their grief journey, or simply letting our heartbeat again in love, hope, and faith.

It will take time to remove death’s sting; however, the sting can lessen as we focus on the victory: that in Christ all things are made new and whole, even our broken hearts. While there is a time to weep and mourn, there is also a time to laugh and dance (Ecclesiastes 3:4). The Psalmist reminds us, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” so that healing can pave our way to laughter and dancing again.

Conclusion

Death is painful; its sting undeniable. But victory over death is also undeniable. As we journey through the grief process and allow ourselves to experience our loss, embrace community, and know that this pain will last only for a season, we can find our way back to joy and peace. We can rest assured that one day, “He will wipe every tear form their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain…” (Revelation 21:4).

 Challenge Questions:

1) In what ways have you moved forward in grief? Do you believe you have reached a place of acceptance?

2) If you are still grieving, take time to write out your hurt or speak to someone about it. Involve safe community to help you walk your journey of grief.

3) Maybe you have completed your journey of grief. In what ways did you overcome your grief?