Surrendering Soul Wounds: Knowing our Savior through Suffering
What would it be like to have no worries, no anxieties, no overwhelming moments? I have no idea. I may have moments where these are not present, but they are more present than they are not. However, I have learned that when they are present, it is usually a soul-wound that is inflamed. I can become so consumed with the soul-wound that I forget to see my Savior. Like me, maybe this is your struggle also. Together let us learn how to see our surrender to our Savior through our suffering.
The Soul Wounds
Previous blogs I have written have addressed surrendering as well as detailed soul wounds: what they are, why we have them, and their impact on us. For this discussion, I want to give a visual activity. You can choose to do this or merely visualize it. As you read or do that activity, pay attention to your body, heart, and mind as you allow yourself to experience this activity.
As a child, we probably cut a heart from construction paper. And now you will do this as an adult! If you don’t have construction paper, you can take a standard piece of paper and fold it in half length wise. Using scissors, cut from the folded side one side of the heart. Unfold it, and Viola! The heart.
Looking at this newly crafted heart, notice what your body, heart, and mind experiences when it sees this unblemished heart. Now, here comes the hard part. Close the heart to its folded position. Let us consider a time we were hurt. Now, take the scissors, and cut whatever size heart (like you did with the original piece of paper) represents that hurt. Think of another hurt and do the same. Now, fold the heart in a different area and think of another hurt and cut there. Open your heart. Holes now appear in the unblemished places.
These are soul wounds.
They are wounds that remind us just how human we are. We cannot fill them, albeit we try, with anything satisfactory. We try to do everything but surrender these wounds. When we wrestle with soul wounds, we often try to bandage the pieces that have fallen apart, but bandages eventually lose their hold. It is only Jesus that has the power to bind up our wounds and broken hearts (Psalm 147:3). It is when we surrender our soul wounds that we find the very hope, comfort, and peace that seems to allude us.
Knowing our Savior through the Suffering
I can tell when my soul wounds have begun to pulse. My body is my first indicator: my stomach is tense, my mind races, and I’m snappier. At least that is what I experienced yesterday. I have wrestled with my soul wounds forever it seems. You would think I could get a handle on this before I exhibited bodily responses! Yet here I am still battling the hard. What is different now than previously, though, is I do not question where God is or why I still suffer from these wounds. I can identify them and surrender my soul wounds knowing he is with me through the suffering. You can reach this place as well by practicing the following:
1) Acceptance
First step to surrendering our soul wounds is to accept we have them. We cannot heal what we do not accept. If I pretend nothing is wrong, then how can what hurts be healed? Even Paul, one of the greatest writers of the New Testament, acknowledged his wounds, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it from me” (2 Cor. 12:8). When we acknowledge our pain, we can ask for help for our pain. It is in the asking that we can find our Savior who watches over us, who is our refuge and strength (Psalm 142:2-5). God is our ever-present help in our time of need.
2) Lament
Sometimes lamenting opens the door to freedom for surrender. It allows us to lay bare our soul to our Savior trusting he will hear us. Looking through the Psalms, we see plenty of David’s laments. He was not afraid to convey to the Father all his worries, frustrations, hurts, and more. He laid out his soul wounds knowing “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit” (Psalm 34:18). Like Daved, we can release our need to be in control of our wound care and allow God to do what only he can because we know he can handle whatever we lay at his feet. He has given us permission to come boldy before his throne “…so that we may receive mercy and grace to help us in our time of need” (Hebrews 4:16).
3) Surrendering
While we may go boldly before God’s throne and lay our request for the soul wounds to be healed, the outcome may not always be as we thought it might be. Paul requests his thorns (possibly soul wounds) to be removed, but God did not remove them. However, God did provide a way for Paul to experience relief: through Christ. The Lord stated to Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9). As far as we know from the scriptures, there was not a “deliverance” from whatever the “thorns” may have been. Yet even through his pain, Paul experienced Jesus through his surrender to the Father, through leaning into God’s grace and mercy.
Final thoughts
Surrendering our soul wounds does not equal not feeling pain; it equals a peace that surpasses all understanding even through the suffering. Allowing ourselves to accept and lament our soul wounds leads us to a place where we can surrender them to our Savior and find peace and hope amid the wounding. In doing so, we allow ourselves to know that “…under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart” (Psalm 91:4).