How do I handle Disappointment? Three ways to Overcome Disappointment

We all have that moment where reality does not meet our expectations, and we are faced with the in between: disappointment. In those moments, we may wonder whether it was worth the effort to put ourselves out there, to be vulnerable, or to risk rejection. We may find ourselves battling shame, embarrassment, and insecurity that often accompanies disappointment. While this can feel overwhelming, there are ways we can handle disappointment without it being at the helm of our daily living.

Honesty

I entered a writing competition, and, once again, I did not win. In that moment I felt disappointed, and disappointment’s ally, shame, was right behind it. No one even knew I entered. Yet, I bore the shame and embarrassment of that loss as if the whole world knew. The longer I tried not to talk about it and pretend like it was “no big deal” the harder shame and embarrassment attacked. I finally told my husband, and he was kind and empathetic. This did not make the disappointment disappear, but, surprisingly, being honest with myself about the loss as well as with my safe person did relieve some of the shame and embarrassment.

When we try to hide any of our feelings, we are often not being honest with ourselves nor others. The longer we try to shove our feelings in a box, the stronger they become. Additionally, the longer we hide from them, the longer we stay in the pain of them. However, if we will accept our feelings, share them with safe people, we experience the rest and peace that comes with no longer carrying them alone.

I recognize that this writing competition is “no big deal” in the grand scheme of life. Nothing in my life is going to change because of losing. Still, it was something I wanted so much. What I learned, however, from this experience is not how heavy disappointment can be, but how freeing honesty can be. I was honest with myself that I was hurting, and then I honestly shared my burdens with someone (Galatians 6:2). I experienced the comfort of not being alone in my feelings as well as being lifted up by another (1 Thess.4:11). We all have the opportunity to experience this!

Safety

Safety is a necessity in sharing our feelings. If we do not have a safe space in which we can share our feelings, we are more likely to resist being honest with ourselves and others. Honesty will not feel safe if we do not have the support we need to work through what we feel. Sometimes we can seek safe spaces such as through community, church, friends, ect. However, when we do not have that available to us, then what do we do?

When no safe spaces seem to be present, we may need to seek something like therapy to express our pain and learn how to navigate it in a safe place. We can also utilize our internal strengths to work through our pain. These internal strengths may be resilience, creativity, problem-solving, courage, etc. Implementing what we know we have can help us to overcome disappointments rather than remaining in them. Moreover, implementing tools such as prayer, lamenting (a form of honesty with God), journaling, and meditation can be external resources we use to release the pressure of the pain safely. With these actions, we can find the rest from our burdens Matthew 11:28 calls us to experience.

Try Again

This may seem like an odd way to handle disappointment. (Trust me, it was hard for me to type!) But allowing disappointment to be the final decision maker in our pursuits and passions may rob us of the joy our passions and pursuits bring us. This may also catapult us into fear and result in more disappointment and shame.

As we try again, we can implement wisdom and learning from our disappointments. We may be learning from small experiences to large ones such as broken relationships, loss of work, and more. Regardless of the experience, all require honesty and safe spaces to heal. We may need to be honest with ourselves, others, in relationships, and more. From there we create safety through community, therapy, church, etc.  Additionally, utilizing our internal strengths and external resources, we can find that trying again is a better alternative than dismissing our wants and desires out of fear.

A caveat to this, however, is that fear may be present no matter what we do. If we remain hidden and live in a no-risk (and no-reward) way, we are living in fear; if we try again, we may have fear of the outcome. While fear is a natural emotion, and we do not want to rid ourselves completely of it, we also do not want it to be what drives us. Sometimes we have to face the fear of disappointment to reach our goals. Not an easy task, but it can be a productive one.

Final thoughts

Learning to live with disappointment isn’t about pretending it doesn’t hurt. It is about facing disappointments honestly and with safe people and spaces allowing us to move past our disappointment to try again. Each time we do, we build the quiet strength of resilience—the kind that turns pain into wisdom and strengthens renewed hope to experience that the “Lord is good and his love endures forever” (Psalm 100:5).

Challenge Questions:

1) List recent disappointments. Then write how you have implemented honesty, safety, and trying again.

2) If you are struggling with disappointments, what internal and external resources can you practice to work through your disappointment?