Confessions from a Struggle Bus Driver

The Struggle Bus is real. I am on it.

I do not know why now, or ever, but I do know that I put the pedal to the medal when it comes to seeking my self-worth and validation from others. I ignore all road signs and speed limits to get that need met. One revelation about this struggle bus God has supplied me: I am the only one driving it. If I have the power to drive it, I also have the power stop it.

Confessions

I must confess that I am no stranger to the Struggle Bus. I may not ride it every day, but I frequent it often. It travels well-paved roads of negative self-worth, seeking validation, and proving my worth. I know how to drive these roads well, and I have difficulty stopping it at times. This leads to my next confession: I am not a safe driver.

When I am on the Struggle Bus, sometimes I plow over truths and run stop signs of hope. I ignore red lights and guardrails of protection. At times, I can catch this before I go over a cliff, but sometimes I am headed straight for a dead end. I have tried to make sense of how and why this happens. I may never know all the answers. However, I do believe the Struggle Bus is a part of the struggle that is happening beyond us at times.

Ephesians 6:12 tells us, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, authorities, powers of this dark world, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Therefore, we will not always “see” the where and why of our struggle. And while some of us will travel different roads of struggle, we are all facing a struggle. The enemy is not standing by just hoping we will pass by so he can attack. No, he actively “prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8).

Through God’s kindness, he has shown me that the struggle bus is definitely spiritual forces at work. Additionally, it can be a source of “devouring” from the enemy. I become consumed with my negative self-talk and worth-seeking that I am unable to walk in the joy of Christ and share that with others.

Maybe this is you too. Maybe, like me, you have experienced the Struggle Bus, but with different roads: shame, condemnation, hopelessness, or loneliness. Regardless of what bus we may be driving, we can stop it.

Stopping the Struggle

Another confession: stopping the Struggle Bus is hard! There is nothing easy about it. And it is not a one and done. We will most likely find ourselves on the Struggle Bus again. However, with the following tools, we can know how to identify and stop the bus quicker when we find ourselves on it.

1)        Identify the struggle

We cannot stop the Struggle Bus if we cannot identify what we are supposed to be stopping. Therefore, we need to pay attention to what is happening within us. What is our body, heart, and mind telling us? Are we giving ourselves space and grace to notice and feel what we are experiencing? The more we try to numb, hide, even spiritually bypass ourselves, the more speed we give the Struggle Bus.

God tells us in John 16:33, “In this world you will have trouble…” There is no denying that we face struggles; however, he also reminds us “I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). What does this have to do with driving the Struggle Bus? It means I, we, can stop the bus, commit our struggles to God, and rely on his strength to overcome the struggles we face.

Please know that this is not an overnight success. The roads we have traveled are often well-paved. It will take time to overcome these thoughts, but submitting our driver’s seat to God can help us navigate new roads of healing and hope.

2)        Confess the Struggle

We often hide our struggles. We may do this out of shame, perfectionism, or control. Regardless of our reasoning, when we hide, we carry the weight of it all. This is not God’s desire for us.

If we confess our struggles, we can receive encouragement, hope, and strength from God and others (Hebrews 10:24; Isaiah 41:10; Psalm 27:13). We, also, have the chance to experience the joy set before us (Hebrews 12:2). Moreover, in confessing, we can find the rest and shelter from our weary travel embracing stillness and quietness for our soul (Matthew 11:28; Psalm 23).

One caveat to consider as we confess our struggles is if we choose to confess to others, we need to make sure they are “safe” people. People who are safe will exhibit fruits of the spirit (Gal. 5:22-23) and characteristics of love (1 Cor. 13). They will not use our struggles against us, but rather will provide us guidance, wisdom, and a balance of truth and grace.

 3)        Invite God into the Driver’s seat

This one is the hardest. I do not like to give up control. I often feel safest when I am the one in control. Additionally, sometimes my lack of giving up the driver’s seat is because I feel like I deserve whatever road I am. However, this is not God’s desire for me, or for any of us.

This week as I sped on the Struggle Bus, God provided me a stop sign that I actually paid attention to: I gave you the ability to love all things I have created; this includes yourself. The peace that came over me in that moment was so soothing. I can be confident in who I am in Christ. I do not need to prove my worth to anyone because God has claimed me as his own. I can stand tall and strong knowing that I am engraved on the palm of his hand (Isaiah 49:16), he knows my name (Psalm 91:14), and no one can take me from my Father or his love (John 10:28). That’s not being proud. That is owning what God has known all along: we are his beloved (1 John 3:1)!

This is not just true for me. This is true for you too. We all have our Struggle Bus that we face. Whatever it is, you can invite God in. You can release the driver seat to him knowing he has your best interest at heart. He longs for you to know life to the fullest (John 10:10), his protection (Psalm 5:11), and his abounding love (Psalm 103:5).

Final Thoughts

I confess I have been on the Struggle Bus longer than I care to admit. And, I know that as long as I am on this earth, I will find myself on it again at times. Most likely, we all will. However, we can invite God into the driver’s seat by identifying our struggles, confessing them, and allowing him to drive. Through these acts, God protects us from the struggles in heavenly realms and from the devouring enemy. We can rest knowing with him in control, “He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge” (Psalm 57:1).

Challenge Questions:

1)        Reflect on your week. List any ways you have been on the Struggle Bus.

2)        In reviewing stopping the struggle, what do you need to practice? Identifying, confessing, or releasing the driver’s seat?

3)        No matter what struggle you are facing, the truth that you are God’s does not change. Pick a verse that speaks of God’s protection, your worth to God, or his love for you and meditate on those words.